WHY YOU ARE SINGLE, FOR LADIES

So you're at a point in your life where everything has fallen into place, literally. Your career is good, your social life is exciting, you've found your sense of style and you look better than you have in years. Just one thing missing. Where is the...err boyfriend? The man, the lover, the husband, the best friend, the significant other? It has come to your attention that happy couples annoy you. You stare longingly at the man and woman walking past you in the street, hands held, talking and smiling with an obvious affection and tenderness for each other.

You put yourself out there and hope for the best, but in the relationship department you seem to be like a sinking ship. Taking a look at yourself, the problem just cannot be you. I mean, your appearance is at least decent, you're confident, and your personality is a winner.

So why are you single? I'll tell you why!

1. You're not ready for a relationship.

Just because you think you are; doesn't mean you are. You think you've got it together, but really you haven't. Those wounds from your past and those insecurities that you hide stop you from offering the best version of yourself to the world.

2. You want a perfect man.

Well, I'm pretty sure that you are no wide eyed angel with a nineteen inch waist , perfectly symmetrical features, and a halo above your head signifying that God himself knows you are divine. So why do you expect to get a 7"foot tall man with a chest as hard as a wall and muscles that feel like bricks, who makes millions, is an alpha male but listens to you talk all night like your best girlfriend would?

Since I don't think he exists, I would advise listening to what a person makes you feel rather than prematurely judge him on a set of near impossible standards. Chances are that you blow off that guy who always tries to make you laugh, the one who runs to your aid every time you need a favour but is only 5"8 and makes a middle level income.

By no means should you lower your standards, but rather use them to align yourself. Good attracts good. Make yourself into a person even you would want to be with. If you want a physically fit man, have you made efforts to be in tip top shape too? You want him successful; do you work hard for what you earn too?

3. You play games.

I've read a hundred times from different writers that "you should play hard to get" and "make him chase you". These rules turn women into damsels waiting for the prince who despite being rejected a thousand times will be unrelenting and persistent. The truth; however is that these actions may in fact confuse potential suitors. You may communicate "not interested" while intending to say “try harder".

Sure, you should not be overly eager, desperate or clingy. And no, acting like you like him when you do is not a horrible, unforgivable sin.

4. You're looking/ searching.

Stop. Just stop looking. I've heard before that "needing nothing attracts everything" and couldn't agree more. Being single is not a crime, or anything to be ashamed of. Take this time to be in your element, understand yourself and love yourself. Enjoy the freedom that comes with being single. Wear your sweatpants all day in the house and forget to comb your hair, and dress up real nice to party with your friends at other times. You can afford to be selfish and spoil yourself without worrying about inconveniencing your other half. The right guy will come along, and you don't have to go out of your way to find him. 

WHY WE MEET THE PEOPLE WE MEET

 It’s only when you begin to grow into yourself that you realize just how important the people in your life are. You see, a human being is born but a blank book. Every experience, encounter and person in your life writes a page to add onto the story of who you truly are. According to the “six degrees of everything theory”, initially developed by Frigyes Karinthy in 1929; everything and everyone is six or fewer steps away, from any other person in the world- by way of introduction  so that a chain of "a friend of a friend" statements can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps. This means that you are connected to billions of people across the world through a chain link, and everyone is more accessible to you than you think.

Our parents try to mould us into self-sufficient beings who are able to cope with typical life tasks, but that doesn’t control everyone we see and everyone we meet. A child will go to school, or play with other kids in the park: what’s interesting though is that they will take away bits and pieces of history and personality. As we grow, we make friends, we make enemies, and we know people that we feel indifferent towards.

However, going about life teaches us that every single person that we come across impacts our life in more ways than one. Those that are meant to inspire us make their mark strongly in our lives. Have you ever heard the story of a little girl, who was abused, molested and ill-treated in her childhood? She felt lowly and unloved. Hell, I think she must have felt worthless and incapable of achieving anything- because of her experiences with people who broke her. One day, this little girl was walking, and an older woman stopped her and said, “Little girl, you are so beautiful, do you know that?” And from that day onwards, the girl saw herself differently, she finally felt worthy. Worthy of success, worthy of love and worthy of respect. She would then go on to build an empire much bigger and much more powerful than any other woman in her race had done before, and she would top the Forbes list time and time again. This little girl was a young Oprah Winfrey. Some people who we meet inspire us so greatly, that it would be difficult to see ourselves being the people we are/ want to be without the impact they have in our lives.

And yet there are those, who it seems have the sole purpose of breaking us. They may come in the form of faux friends, enemies or unfriendly strangers. They may even be family members who do a lot more hating than they do loving. The ones who tell us we can’t be whatever we want to be. The ones that say we aren’t intelligent enough, talented enough or beautiful enough. It’s important to embrace these people though, because they are only playing their role in making us who we are. Without them, without the experiences that they bring us, we wouldn’t be strong and we wouldn’t know what we know- that we are capable of overcoming difficulties and obstacles in our path.

Finally, there are those that have always been there from the start. The ones that love us unconditionally. These are the people who are not afraid to tell us when we are wrong, those who can smack the sense back in our lives when we are going astray. I guess it’s safe to say that these are the most important, because they keep us on track and remain with us through rough, bumpy roads that seem to lead nowhere. Through every failure, every success and every mistake, their love and presence remains constant.

 What I’m trying to say is, no single human interaction is a waste. Everyone that we meet, see or know plays a huge role and makes some sort of impact in our lives. Every experience we go through comes full circle to make us who we are and build our character. 

That’s all for today, loves! A lot more stuff coming soon. Feel free to interact with me. Comment, share, like!

THE BOLD LIP

For thousands of years, human beings have used make up as a tool to express themselves as well as make statements. It has been such an important factor in society that it is difficult to imagine a world without it. Women have celebrated their femininity throughout the centuries by creating a blush effect using roses, darkening their eyelids using burnt matches and using berries to stain their lips.

It is safe to say that for a long time, bold statements have existed, where people used the art to demonstrate their uniqueness in a confident display. The Egyptians, both men and women, would paint kohl, a mixture of metal, lead, copper, ash and burnt almonds, all around their eyes. The circles of kohl were meant to ward off the evil eye or dangerous spirits and certainly played a role in deflecting the harsh desert sun. The result was a bold, severe, yet beautiful statement.

The bold lip has made its mark more so in the 21^st century. In New York fashion week, spring 2014, there was a clear indication of the bold berry lip trend, with a polished matte finish. In every runway display, the lips seem to be bolder and brighter. If the lips are not bold, then another makeup element is, say a nude lip and heavy smoky eye.

Closer to our time, we’ve seen the rise of feminism, promoted by powerful female figures. Often, the clothes that these women wear and the make-up they choose allow them to self- express, or create their own niche so to speak.

Marilyn Monroe, one of the biggest icons in the 50s was known for her beauty and charm. But even she, an effortless beauty, made bold statements with her make up. Make-up artists and celebrities try to recreate her look time and time again. Marilyn wore a bold red lipstick, which she lined and contoured to create the luscious, voluminous look we all know and love.

Rihanna is one of the biggest stars in the world right now. She’s not one to follow rules, as she sets her own and creates trends we just can’t help but follow. She is known for being edgy and creative, using her fashion sense and make up as an indisputably powerful statement. Rihanna is often spotted in bright, bold lipstick. On and off the red carpet, she manages to pull off red, purple, burgundy, emerald green, black and virtually every color that could possibly exist.

How can you, too pull off the bold lip? The trick if finding the best color for your skin tone, and especially one that you love as it should make you feel confident and beautiful. Consider the tone of the lipstick, e.g. what tone of red, purple or brown would be best on you? Cool-toned lip colors have more blue in them and tend to look better on people with cool-toned complexions. Warm-toned lip colors have more yellow or orange in them, and tend to work well on those with warm-toned skin. 

Confused about whether your skin’s undertone is warm or cool? Check the veins on the inside of your wrist: if they look blue, you have cool-toned skin; if they look green, you have warm-toned skin. If you can’t tell one way or another, you have a neutral skin tone and can wear any color.

Be sure not to over-do the rest of your face. Skip the contouring, and heavy eye make up for more subtle lip colors, and let your bold lips do all the work. Instead, allow your other make up to play supporting roles. Soft gentle eyebrows, moisturized skin and a touch of mascara will be just enough; a groomed but natural look.

Next, and very importantly, you have to pair up the bold lip with an outfit that co-ordinates with the look rather than drowns it.  Now, I would assume that none of us are prep’ing for the red carpet, but typical day to day looks. The fact is, bold lipstick is not casual. However, it sure can make the most casual outfit just a tint brighter and cuter. It can make an everyday look appear more sophisticated and thought-out.

A casual white blouse, faded blue jeans and plain black heels or boots type of day would work best with a bright red lip, to sort of bring life to the outfit. Dull colors and plain, casual clothes always work well with bold lips, drawing attention to your face and highlighting your smoochers. In this case, less is more.

That is not to say that you cannot wear flashy, bright colored clothes with a bold lip. However, you need to be a bit careful such that the result is tasteful and does not make your look crowded. Take for example a yellow dress and the bright red lip. You might be worried about looking like a hot-dog with ketchup and mustard, but it can definitely turn out looking a lot more glamorous. Emma Stone is a great example. She stunned in a bright yellow gown and bright, fuchsia lip color when she showed up at the Spider-man -2 premier last year.

Most importantly, there are no rules that are set in stone! Through mixing and matching, you should be able to attain the look that you like best, and be able to express yourself using your own words, your own language and your own style. Do what feels most comfortable for you, and don’t be afraid to step out and make a statement once in a while.

Thank you for reading, loves! feel free to comment and share!

TRUSTING IN THE PROCESS

 An ache, far more painful than the physical. It feels overwhelming, frightening yet empowering at the same time. You are so afraid  of the thought of life without it yet know deep down that things would be so much easier if you let it go. It haunts you. It's in the mirror, in your thoughts at day and yet interrupts your sleep every night. That is what it feels like to have a dream. Your passion chooses you, and not you, it. It is a one true love that  you cannot let go of, no matter how hard you try.

It doesn't matter what you want to achieve.

(Lupita Nyong'o: Talented, with a dream out of this world. And she did it.)

There are skeptics who sneer, shrug and roll their eyes at the mention of your plans. And they will sometimes say, "No, but really, what is your back up?"

You know that it is either this or a life of fading away into nothingness. Because this, your dream, gives you life.

And you work, everyday. Captured and enslaved by your passion. Your efforts are relentless, your attempts countless. Every time, it feels like you have taken one step forward and two back. Failing is heartbreaking, and every time an attempt is unsuccessful, it crushes you. Deep down to your very core, it tears you apart. But unlike other people, the mission remains, and you do not have the option of giving up.

 (Madonna: fired from dunkin donuts, dropped by her first record label in the group "The breakfast club". Picked herself up and kept going.)

This is the only way. To keep trying. To never give up. To do any and everything that can bring your dream to life. It means following in the steps of your predecessors, who always seem to say, "I kept trying. They told me I couldn't, but I have."

And more importantly, you realize that your passion is beyond you. In the very way you can't control it, you also cannot control your path towards it. The number of times you fail before you succeed are all a part of the journey, and you have to trust wholly and let it all unfold. Keeping the faith, putting in the work, and knowing that the rest is going to follow.

 (Kanye West: Passionate guy, Isn't he?)

Finally, your sleepless nights seem to bear fruit. Your questions seem to have answers. Your blood, sweat and tears have a reward. At last. A light. Dim, far away, at the end of the tunnel. But you see it. And the steps towards that light are the happiest moments of your life.

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